I don’t eat children, either.

Sometimes my useless collection of movie quotes and scenes comes in handy for… well, being cute.

At the Amsterdam Schipol airport, I was stopped by a security officer who wanted to look at the deodorant and flashlight in my bag. Who knows why, maybe they looked suspicious in the X-ray machine, as deodorants and flashlights tend to do. I was more worried about the Cello’s donuts and Breadtalk JJ Babies that he might take out and ask me about. He looked at me and asked me to open my bag, and I obliged. “Where are you from? Are you Japanese?” I shook my head and smiled.

“No Sir.”

“American?”

I looked at my passport for a second. “Filipino.”

“Ahhh, Filipino!” and he proceeds to tell me about how he spent some time as a seaman in the Philippines some thirty years ago. I love when random people tell me about how they were in the Philippines, a lot of them seamen like himself. I chatted with him politely and asked him if he ever went scuba diving.

“No, I hate swimming.”

I laughed. His hands were just resting on top of my bag now. “But you’re a seaman! You should love being in the water!”

“Yeah… well, I hate being in the water. And all those fish…”

“I know. Fish piss in the sea.”

The security man looked at me, kind of surprised, and chuckled. “That’s right… That’s a good one… You’re a special one.” He finally gave me my bag, shook his head and waved me goodbye.

Thanks, Closer.

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