I don’t feel so good right now. :s
Blame it on a weird stomach, a poor night’s sleep, or a cold wreaking havoc on my nose and patience.
I think I’m bored but my brain is telling me I’m not. I think I’m distracting myself with running this household and making trips to the grocery to realize my brain is sad because it is underused. My hands — caulked with flour from making cookies and smelling of garlic from preparing meals — long to be used to create something other than what is consumed within a day. My mouth misses the days it made decisions, won and lost arguments, and convinced others of its value… explained affection without words, whispered secrets into ears, and closed together to form a secret smile shared only with another.
To say I am excited to be going back to school would be a gross understatement. I miss having intellectual stimulation I suppose. The shiny luster of a new conquest. I need a new challenge. I think I have an insatiable need to prove myself. For who? For what? I don’t know. But I have it in my bones; I’ll never be free of it.
Days like this, I could use a cruise on Kiko. A secret Djarum while sitting on my little step. Maybe a long sit by the forest stream with my shoes sitting, long forgotten, under the bridge. Building up energy, waiting in the wings, making plans. Ready and waiting.